Re-commitment and Self-Defense (sensitive issues discussed)

I walked out of the doctor's office on August 9th as though I had just dodged a bullet.  Three weeks not exercising, five days eating whatever I wanted and then a week half-on/half-off of the plan and I had NO GAIN.  Whew!

After that, I did well for a few days.  But I was obsessed with macaroni and cheese from The Cheesecake Factory and finally went to eat there.  Of course, not nearly as good as when I had eaten it in Houston.

And the thing that derailed me like nothing else:  Self-Defense Class.  I remembered that I had signed up to take RAD (Rape Aggression Defense) for Women, a women's self-defense class focusing on fighting off abductions and rape.  Suddenly, I couldn't find enough junk food and sugar to eat.  I even made myself sick.

Now let me digress for a moment and write of happy things.  Since I have started with the eating plan, even my "pig-outs" are nothing like what they used to be.  I cannot eat as much as I used to without becoming sick.  When I "fall off the plan," I still eat less than I did.  This is good news!  This is a positive change!  Yay me!

Now back to the class.  Why would the thought of me taking such a class cause me to suddenly seek out high-calorie, sugary junk foods?  Because my size is my protection.

I had actually planned to take the RAD class earlier but it fell when I was moving to OK.  So I've known for about 8 months now that I was honestly afraid to be thinner.  You see, if I make myself unappealing, I won't be attacked.  No one will come-on to me.  No MAN will bother me.

The truth is that rape can and does happen to full-figured women every day.  My own reality is that I have always been overweight and I have been raped.  I have experienced multiple sexual traumas in my life, starting at age 7 and continuing to age 17.  Once I was married, I thought I was "safe."  Then I was violated again.

How could it happen again?  As an adult?  Because as soon as I realized what was about to happen, I disassociated.   My mind went somewhere else to protect me.  The guilt I carry over this is tremendous.

I am tired.  I am angry.  I want my life back.  So I have chosen to take this self-defense class.

The Husband and Work

Probably the most frustrating thing regarding the issue with my mother-in-law is that I believe if my husband were actually home more, I could probably deal better with having the mother-in-law around.

You see, I believe my husband truly has a work addiction.  I feel as though he has abandoned me.  I know he loves me dearly.  I know he is doing what he feels must be done to provide for his family.  And yet he is rarely home.  

Where do you draw the line?  When does it become a problem?  

I am not so sure my husband believes there is an addiction aspect.  He still believes he can control it.  Anyone who knows and loves a "holic" also knows that's a HUGE sign right there.  

When your husband works 17-hour days and doesn't even call to let you know he will be late, how would you feel?  What about when he says he is wrapping up and will be home in 20 minutes and he walks through the door four hours later?  Or he regularly goes in on his days off and works all day long.

This is not about bashing my husband.  I love him more than anything.  And I want him back in my life.  

Please pray we make it through this.

So What's the Deal with the Mother-in-Law Anyway?

Okay.  Here's the situation:

My husband is Asian Indian.  I am American.  What I never realized until recently is that my husband was already westernized when I met him.  The cultural traits that remained were the ones that I valued.  So it all worked out!

When we married, we had some issues to deal with, sure.  They were mainly funny though--nothing serious.  Now, his mother is living with us.  And the intention is for her to come back (she has to go home temporarily) and stay with us permanently.

My mother-in-law is a lovely and extremely loving woman.  She's had a tough life and deserves to spend the rest of her days in comfort and happiness.  Culturally, it is expected that she live with the oldest (or in this case, only) son.  And by the way, she loves me very much.

So why do I have such a problem with her?  Truth be told, it's not her I have a problem with.  It's her culture. You see, it's easy (for me, at least) to respect someone's culture when you are not living with them.  It becomes immeasurably more difficult when you are sharing the same space.

Indians are much more communal than Americans are.  I always thought I was pretty laid-back about my personal space and about my possessions.  And if I am dealing with Americans, I truly am tolerant and easy-going.  Yet when you are living with someone who comes from a more communal background, all bets are off.  In my opinion, she is nosy.  Really, everything is everyone's so it's no big deal.  If she sees something she wants to read that is mine, she simply takes it.  If I want it back, I am to just take it back from her.  Well, to me that's rude.  If I bring back papers from my doctor and leave them on the table for five minutes, she is reading them!

She appears to expect a deeper level of intimacy as well.  As a decently enlightened being, she made the CHOICE to love me because I am her son's wife.  I am not ready for that type of intimacy with someone I do not know and have trouble knowing because she doesn't speak much English (she is taking lessons though!).

Much has been ironed out in the few months since she has been here.  Aside from the taking and looking at things that are mine, my biggest issue is that I feel like I have no privacy.  My house has been invaded.  My husband, having grown up in the Eastern culture thinks I am being silly.

And so here is the stalemate.  Here is where I am seriously having trouble finding a win-win solution.  I stay in my bedroom because she is not allowed in there.  It is the only place I feel that is mine.  The only place that it is safe for me to be ME.  And I don't like this--I feel like I am in prison sometimes.  I feel violated sometimes.  Granted, that is likely an over-reaction that is coming up from my past.  Regardless, it is how I feel.  And my husband thinks I am being silly.

For those of you who are thinking I should have known what I was getting into when I married an Easterner, let me address that.  His mother was in another country.  It never occurred to me that she would come live with us!  I thought I was safe in that.  And he certainly never mentioned it.  However, none of that matters now anyway.

What matters is that she wants to live here.  He wants her to live here.  And I feel as though I can't breath.  Part of me wishes she were the Wicked Witch of MILs.  Then it would be easy for me to yell at her and say there is no way she is living in MY house.  But in reality she is a kind, gentle soul who just wants to live with her son.

Still no answers to this one....

Food "On Vacation"

Close your eyes.

Now visualize (wait...if you close your eyes, you can't read this, huh?  Okay...then, keep your eyes open!)

Just think about the following scenario, if you please:

You have chosen to follow an eating plan that includes two meal replacements, three snacks and one meal.  That one meal is balanced and heavy on vegetables (which you do not particularly care for) and greens.  Now it's time for Vacation!!

You are prepared though.  You pack up all your supplements and even have a grocery list ready so you can immediately go to the store for the items you need.

But then you find yourself at the grocery store and it's an experience you haven't had before.  This store has so many yummy foods ready and available to eat.  It's difficult to make the right decision, but you do.  And then you find yourself dining with someone daily who is eating Gourmet Macaroni and Cheese and Birthday cake.

How do you feel?  Are you hungry?  Do you still look at your broccoli with love?  (Did you EVER look at your broccoli with love?)

I will tell you what I did.  I said to my friend, "I don't want to eat the F-ing broccoli."

And get this!  My friend says, "So don't eat the F-ing broccoli."  Well.  What a concept.  So I didn't!  I had mac-n-cheese.  And it was divine!

Overall though, while staying with my one friend for the first five days, I stayed pretty decently on plan. Next, enter chaos.  I had two days where I was here, there and everywhere in terms of living arrangements and daily plans.

Bye-bye eating plan.

Hello the I-may-as-well-enjoy-myself-plan!

Because I stayed an extra day to rest before coming back home, my weigh-in appointment was postponed by a week.  Perfect!  I will follow the plan so strictly that I will undo any damage I did in the five days I ate like a pig.

Humph!  The first two days, I was a complete "female dog."  I wanted "real" food.  I wanted the headache to go away.  I wanted to be left ALONE!  And so I did not follow the plan as well as I hoped.

Come time for weigh-in and I was SHOCKED.  No loss (big surprise there).  No gain.  That's right.  No gain!  WOW!!!  Wooohooo!!!!  Now I am revved up and ready to go full-steam ahead.  I have just re-committed!

Funny how long things like "Re-commitment" last.  See ya next time for the rest!

I'm baaaack!

Boy oh boy!  It takes some work to keep current on things, doesn't it?

I went to Houston for two weeks and then came home and had a bit of a awakening, so to speak.  Just after dealing with all that, it was time to begin the project that I started yesterday (details to follow!!) and so here I am at almost 10pm Tuesday, August 16th just now getting back to my blog.

I apologize.

Soooooo much has happened!  Houston was wonderful.  It was absolutely lovely to see my dear friends and I surely did need the pick-me-up.  I had a (Science of Mind) Practitioner Session scheduled for a few days before I left and I was hoping for a quantum leap.  The Practitioner told me that while I had not leapt yet, I was walking up to the precipice.  And the session was quite helpful!

I sat down and talked to the part of me that was making the most noise and said, "What's up?"  The dialogue proved highly enlightening and "Una" and I still chat regularly.

I took an extra day to rest since my time in Houston had been non-stop movement, then I brought myself home.  And in less than a week, completely flipped out.

You see, once I had been away from the stress of no husband (due to intense work hours) and living with a mother-in-law from a totally different culture---and went to where I was completely loved and supported---coming back to the unloving and unsupportive environment was like removing my ability to breathe.

And so I choked.  A lot.  My prayer partner (thank you!) helped me to recognize that I simply could not continue with things the way they currently were.  So I had some major decisions to make.

I have since had a couple serious talks with my husband regarding his work hours and the current living arrangement.  Stay tuned to see if there are actually any changes that come out of these talks.  At this point, I feel better now that my needs have been expressed and because I have provided a timeline and expectations.

Doing this was one of the most difficult things I have had to do.  Now I pray that all will work out for everyone's greatest good.

So how  was my eating?  Check out the next post!

The Blog Post With No Title

Thoughts become things.  Words have power.  And so I could not decide on a title for this particular post because everything that came to mind was not very positive.

It's been awhile since I posted.  This is because I have been in a dark space emotionally.  And this dark space has pulled me down physically as well.

Things have been quite stressful for me lately with, among other things, my husband working way too many hours, my mother-in-law living with us.  And especially with the news that she wants to stay here permanently (when all I have been doing is counting down the days until she goes home!).  It appears that my mother-in-law's decision to live here was the proverbial straw that broke the (Kelly) camel's back.  I have been devastated.  Hopeless.  And recently began sinking into depression.

Despite the many stresses I have been dealing with, I have been so proud of the fact that I have not turned to food for solace.  That all ended on Friday, July 15th.  I was so frustrated and angry that I ate 1/2 a DiGorno Pizza for dinner.  And I didn't even enjoy it!

Then came Saturday.  I ran out of the house and went to Jack In The Box.  Halfway through my meal, I was stuffed and I finished the meal anyway.  Then I brought about half of it back up---and I did it again for dinner!  I went to have Mexican, became overfull and then brought about half back up.

So yay for me when I resisted temptation at our spiritual center on Sunday and followed my eating plan.  Then I slept almost all day Monday and at six o'clock, I angrily ate a big bowl of Oatmeal Squares for dinner!

To add insult to injury, when I weighed myself on Sunday, I had only lost 3 pounds.  I haven't been THAT bad this past two weeks!

I leave for Houston, TX for two weeks this Friday.  Because of this, I want to ask my doctor on Wednesday if I can start over when I come back from Houston.  My guess is he will say no so I am trying to prepare myself accordingly.  I am, however, worried to see the results for these past two weeks.

I am feeling a bit dejected.  Angry with myself.  Ashamed.  Frustrated.

Wish me luck for weigh-in on Wednesday!

It's My Party and I'll....

Eat if I Want To!!!  :-)

My birthday was this past Saturday.  I had a wonderful time at Safari's Animal Sanctuary in Broken Arrow, Ok. By the time we were finished, we were all starving!!  So my dear friends, Jessica and Adam took my husband and I out to eat at El Tequila.  YUM!  And after all, it WAS my birthday!  So I ordered what I wanted, which included 3 corn tortillas and lots of cheese.  This was not a planned meal, but I was cool with it.

Later that night, my hubby took me to Marble Slab Creamery.  YUMMMM-MEEEEE!  :-)

My original plan for my birthday was to have a DQ MiniCake on Saturday and then on Sunday while at a BBQ with my Book Club, I was going to eat whatever I wanted.  Well, I still chose to eat whatever I wanted at the BBQ.  I ate:

• Pasta Salad
• Potato Salad
• Brownies
• Baked Beans
• Pita Chips
• Hot Dogs

You know what?  I didn't really enjoy any of it.  Can you believe that?!  I can't!  I absolutely enjoyed the Mexican and the ice cream the day before, but none of the other stuff on Sunday was delicious.  A few hours after the BBQ, I started belching (this is something I've been dealing with off and on for over a year now).  I belched the rest of the day until I finally went to bed around midnight--not so fun!

That night I looked at Suresh and said, "I am actually happy to be getting back to my eating plan tomorrow."  

WHAT?!

Who am I and what have I done with the real ME?!

Actually, I think I like this new me.  Because today, after all those carbs....I am TIRED!

I have never wanted to hear it when I was told that I was probably gluten sensitive and/or intolerant.  Yet I believe it is likely the truth.  At least now I know.  I can't deny it anymore.

But I am eating differently and I am okay with that. So I can be okay with this too.

Love and Light to All.

Results (What I Learned About Scales)

Do you see this beautiful scale?  It's nice and thin (like I want to be!) and sleekly black too (oooo, sexy!).  It's also fancy-schmancy because it does more than your average scale.  It provides the following:

1. Body Weight
2. Body Mass Index
3. The percentage of your body that is water
4. The percentage of your body that is muscle
5. The percentage of your body that is bone

And it does even more, but that's the important stuff.  That's why I paid $70 for this beautiful, know-it-all scale.  (Now if only is praised me when I released some weight!)

Today I learned something important:  THIS SCALE IS A PIECE OF JUNK!!!  

When I started my eating plan 14 days ago, I weighed in and was pleased that their scale actually had me weighing in five pounds lighter than mine at home.  Ye-haw!!!  I certainly wasn't going to question a good thing, you know?

When I weighed myself on Sunday at home (my usual weigh-in day), I was so ecstatic to see that in 10 days I had lost 9 pounds.  So I was walking into the doctor's office feeling pretty fine.  I figured I would see a 10-12 pound release and maybe even 14 if I was lucky.

I stepped on the scale with pride and confidence.

And it said I lost FIVE pounds.

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?  NO FREAKIN' WAY!!!!!!!!

I wanted to cry.  I wanted to (briefly) give up.  I thought I had been doing so well.  I didn't understand.  Good thing I was in the doctor's office because I was ready to go down some big-time chocolate.

Then the doctor came in and enlightened me.  Here is the breakdown:

I had a release of 5 pounds with a gain of 6 pounds of muscle, resulting in a net loss of 11 pounds (2.5% of my body fat).  Now THAT is even more exciting than losing 11 pounds straight, is it not? Yeah, baby!

I was shocked (yes, SHOCKED) at the gain of muscle because I had only been to Curves two times in the 14 days of this eating plan.  I told Doc this and he said, "But you are eating quality protein."  Well!  I knew protein was important but I had NO IDEA it could do THAT!!!!!

So the morals of this story are:

1) Your fancy scale (and mine) that does everything but sing and dance is still likely crap.

2) Protein is so much more important than I ever knew.

Til next time!

Temptation and Habit Strikes Back!

So I've just experienced my first Holiday while on this eating plan.  On July 3rd, we were part of a group of 6 families who got together to see the fireworks in Broken Arrow.  We met at 71st and Elm and walked to Fiesta Mambo.  For the first time since I started this plan, I found myself seriously considering getting what I wanted instead of what I "should."  I was seriously worried I was going to cave.

I am happy to report that while I didn't get the healthiest thing on the menu, I did stay within my plan for the most part with a taco salad.  I did not eat the shell  and had no dressing.  The only thing I probably shouldn't have had was the sour cream and the little bit of cheese they used.  So yay me!

Just after I ordered though, it occurred to me with great shock that I had eaten a few (probably 5 or less) tortilla chips with salsa!  Woa!  They were there in front of me.  It's just what you do at Mexican restaurants.  Luckily, I've never been big on the tortilla chips and salsa so I truly only had maybe five small ones.  Yet I couldn't believe that they simply slipped right passed my radar!  I never thought of it.  That was an EYE OPENER for sure.  Habit can win at any time if we aren't aware.  Now I know.

Later that evening, just before the fireworks, we walked over to Sonic for ice cream.  Before we ever went, I was debating....do I cheat or don't I?  Technically, I am allowed one cheat day a week.  Someone mentioned I should be able to have fun and a small cheat won't be a terrible thing.  So I thought, "Yeah.  Okay, I will cheat with a small sundae."  But it just didn't feel right.  So I said no.

Not only did I not eat ice cream, but I ended up walking over to Sonic with them anyway and STILL not ordering anything!!  I am so proud of myself!  :-)


I have always believed that when the time is right, things will flow in ways you hadn't expected.  And that is how I know this is the right time for the weight release.  One of my biggest issues has always been eating out. I love to eat out.  My husband does not.  So when I get the chance, I am going to enjoy it thoroughly.  And it's difficult for me to spend money on food if it's not even what I really want.  However, in the past 12 days, I have now eaten out four times--2 cookouts and 2 restaurants.  And I have done quite well with my choices AND I have enjoyed my choices.

WOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I intend to keep it up!

The Bucket List in Reverse

Just before I started to "recover" from Lyme Disease, I had begun to believe that I would not lead a quality life and all my dreams were dead.

Now, I've found myself thinking about the things I will do when I am "thinner and healthier."  This is NOT a list to be completed before I die though.  This is a list TO DO while I am ALIVE, HEALTHY and VIBRANT!

• Go Zip-Lining
• Try Rock Climbing
• Go Sky-Diving
• Take Many Horseback Rides
• Learn to Dance
• Take the Test for a Motorcycle License
• Go Camping and Hiking (again)
• Travel to India
• (Maybe) Get Pregnant

How exciting this is!  I have so much to look forward to.  My life is just beginning!  The possibilities are endless.  I must remember these things when the goin' gets tough.

What about you?  What things help you through the rough spots when you are working towards a goal?

Anything else you think I should add to my list? 

Meltdown

Last night I lost it.  Completely.  For a few brief seconds (felt like MUCH longer), I was out-of-control.  The good news is that, 1) I didn't lose it with food and 2) I blew off some steam.

But why does it have to come to this?

Yes, I am under a lot of stress and have been for some time.  But who isn't?

Thank GOD for Suresh.  As I was getting ready to leave the house and go--who knows?--Suresh, stopped me. And he was smart--he said I could go wherever I wanted if I just came back in the bedroom for a minute.  Then he gently sat me down, put his arms around me.  And I cried.  Really cried.  Ugly-face, loud sobs, heaving-for-breath cried.  

I am so blessed.  In so many ways.  So why do I feel like nothing is right?  Why does the presence of my mother-in-law in our home turn me into an irrational, possessive, angry maniac?  Why can't I just pray that things get better at Suresh's work rather than worry we are doomed for him to work 17-hour days the rest of our lives?  Why did I expect to FEEL different after one week on the eating plan?  Why can't I learn patience and know that I will reach my goal of becoming a brilliantly effective life coach in perfect time?  Why do I feel so UNsupported here?  My friends and "family" in Houston are not that far away.  We all have phones, Internet.  And I've met some great people here! So many good things are happening here in Ok--why do I just want to go home (Houston)?  Where is this deep unhappiness coming from?  And does this make me unlikely to be a good coach?

I read somewhere recently that "Why" is not the question.  The question is, "What are you going to do about it?"  I guess if I knew that answer, I wouldn't be asking why! Yet the truth is, I know the answer.  At least some of it.

I am here to heal.  To grow.  To round out the edges of who I am.  To learn to use my intuition regularly rather than only when it drops a 2x4 on my head.  To blossom into the magnificent human being I am before I begin training for my dream career.  

All these things contribute to quality of life.  All these things will make me a better person, a better coach.  And my job is to accept, to surrender to now.  To enjoy the journey.

*****************************

I wonder if the last week of the eating plan helped bring everything to the surface.  You see, I never realized how much my life revolved around food.  Nor did I realize the habits I had cultivated.

When you are eating the way I am eating now, you don't have to think much about food.  You don't have to think about what to eat, where to eat.  Those coupons that come in the mail are useless.  That great Groupon deal for $30 worth of Italian (my fav!) for only $15--no need.  Suresh recently won a $25 gift card to Pizza Hut.  Oh well.  We don't need it.  

Do you see the lack of fun here?  Or is it just me?

Then there are all the things that you see and smell when you are out of the house.  I went out of the house yesterday to get that B-Complex shot (it is helping, woohoo!) and then to go to a class at my Spiritual Center.  I realized I had created the habit of 1) eating out for lunch and 2) stopping at Walgreens for a candy bar and a Coke Zero.

Now I passed a Walgreens and wanted to go inside!  It was sad that I couldn't.  It wasn't even the candy bar or the Coke Zero (though I do miss you, my friend)--it was simply the loss of a habit.  I tended to spend as much time out of the house as possible because my mother-in-law is living with us and so it gave me a reason to get lunch somewhere other than home.  So as I am driving to the doctor's, I'm scoping out where I may want to eat.  But oh, yeah.  I'm not going to eat out.  Again, not really missing the food.  Just the act of it.  Weird.

And the smells!  My mother-in-laws cooking smells delicious suddenly.  I never noticed the smells from the restaurants before either.  We are driving with the windows down, enjoying the night air--until we pass a Cheddar's and I am feeling sad that I can't go eat there.

Last night, we stopped at a friend's house after our class to pick up Mom.  Suresh is like, "Let's see what's for dinner!"  The friend is also Indian and cooks very well.  Suresh was excited.  I was sad.  I can't eat his food anymore.  We sometimes go over to his house on Fridays to have dinner and watch a movie.  I'm not sure I want to go if I can't have dinner too.  

Am I crazy?  No.  I have to find new habits.  It's time to find something more substantial than food to give me Joy.  This is going to be an interesting, enlightening and growth-filled 12 weeks!

Thanks for hanging in with this long post.  Have a beautiful, safe, grateful Fourth of July!

Cravings

***This was to be posted last night, June 29th, but Blogger seemed to be experiencing technical difficulties.***

When I started this eating plan (one week down-- YAY!), I was sure my cravings would be out-of-control for things like chocolate, pizza, french fries, ice cream and brownies.

Interestingly enough, this is not the case.  Yesterday, I would have done anything for a Coke Zero--and this is the worst thing I've wanted.  For my one "real" meal yesterday, I decided to be a renegade and use 2 whole wheat sandwich thins to make a turkey sandwich.  You see, I am supposed to be limiting my grains to next to nothing.  Well, this is the only grain I've had all week.  I still felt a bit guilty though.

This afternoon, I soooooo wanted a bowl of Quaker's Oatmeal Squares cereal!  I couldn't believe how much I wanted it!  Just a simple bowl of cereal that is decently healthy compared to all the other stuff out there.  And to make matters worse, I have a box of this cereal in the house!  But I stayed strong.

Regarding strength though, we often do not realize if something is helping us until its not there any longer.  I have been on a B Complex Vitamin supplement for some time and recently decided I had no evidence of it really working or not.  So when I ran out, I did not order more.  That was two weeks ago.  This first week of my eating plan has found me exhausted, with no strength.  In fact, I am writing this blog late Wednesday night because I was in bed until 7pm.  I haven't been to Curves once this week.  I just sleep.  Or lay there.

Not fun!  Then a friend of mine mentioned that perhaps I need a B Complex supplement.  Ding! Ding! Ding!  How could I have forgotten I wasn't taking mine anymore?!  Geesh!  Did I just needlessly lose an entire week of my life?

I ordered the B Complex supplement this evening and tomorrow I go to the doctor for a shot of B-12. I am knowing this will make all the difference and I will have my life back.  :-)

The Next Step / A New Life

Life can be so BUSY!

I had wanted to get back to the blog sooner than this, but it is what it is.

Thursday, I took the next step in my healing and began the first chapter in my New Life!

I am now participating in a physician-monitored eating plan.  For the next 12 weeks, I will be eating the following:

• A low-glycemic protein shake or bar for breakfast
• A healthy snack
• A low-glycemic protein shake or bar for lunch
• A healthy snack
• A well-balanced, healthy dinner
• A healthy snack

I am cutting out sugars, high-glycemic carbs, all grains (for now) and following a modified Mediterranean diet. The good news is that my doctor says that those who have followed the plan at least 75% have done very well! I asked if I could have a cheat day and he said it was up to me, but "only one a week and don't go crazy."  Woohoo!  

Interestingly enough, this started Thursday (not a Monday and not the beginning of the month) and so far I am doing well.  However, I am starting to get worried because I think the worst part of it is just about to begin.

These last four days went better than I thought.  I was a little hungry just before it was time to eat so that worked out.  I went to two cookouts and was a "good girl."  

Then came today.  I woke up annoyed at my protein shake.  I was later annoyed at my snack of strawberries and almonds.  I don't want to eat all the veggies I have to eat for dinner.  I have only drunk about 1/4 of the water I should drink each day.  While searching for something on the web, I came across a survey, "What goes best with chili?"  I saw the first two choices and had to close the browser because I WANTED CHILI, DAMMIT!  :)

So. We shall see how it goes....  :-)

The First Half of 2011

I arrived in Broken Arrow, Ok the night of a record-breaking blizzard.  It was cold.  It was wet.  I missed Houston and the beautiful people I consider my family already.

And I was determined to make the best of this new experience.

Two weeks after arriving, we finally received all our stuff from the movers and it was "safe" to drive almost anywhere.  So I joined a Book Club.  Now I am part of a circle of wonderful women who light up my life with their individual personalities, love, understanding and just plain FUN-NESS!

I thought it was time to start trying to get my muscles back into condition and so I tried two gyms.  I tried Water Aerobics and loved it.  Then I was in pain and emotionally miserable for four days.  Okay--not ready for that yet.  I tried a Zumba class.  I didn't make it 5 minutes before I thought I wouldn't be able to continue to stand!  I was mortified as I slinked out of that class, wanting desperately to explain that it wasn't just that I was FAT, I had been sick.

Then one of the ladies from the Book Club mentioned that she had been ill for about a year and a half and  Curves had really helped her.  I checked it out.  Now I go to Curves three times a week.  It was quite difficult at first.  After about two months, I can see that I am getting stronger.  It feels soooo good!  In another week, I think I will start the CurveSmart program, which will work to push me harder in my workouts.

In Broken Arrow, I also found an awesome doctor.  He is caring, listens, understanding and open to "complimentary" methods of health.  At The Wright Health and Wellness Center, I was diagnosed to be slightly hypothyroid.  Dr. Wright graciously allowed me to try a supplement for two months.  After the blood tests showed it was not working, I was put on Armour (the natural thyroid replacement).  Additionally, I was put on a natural supplement to help stabilize my adrenals.

What an amazing difference!  And I have only been on the Armour for about 5 weeks, the adrenal stabilizer for about 2 weeks.  Before Armour, I couldn't get my buttocks out of bed before 10am and sometimes not until noon no matter how hard I tried.  Now, I usually wake up before my alarm at 7am! I find I am sleeping better too.

My Book Club/Curves friend also took me to see an Iridologist.  Phyllis at Rock Creek Herb Company was absolutely amazing.  She simply nailed it.  And she mentioned I should start taking Life's Fortune Multi-Vitamin and Minerals because my adrenals need some assistance.  I noticed more energy the first day I took this vitamin.  I ran out of them and did not immediate buy more and I sure noticed a difference!  I won't be with these vitamins now.

And now it is time for the next phase of my journey, physically.  Tomorrow, Thursday, June 23, 2011, I begin a physician assisted (My favorite doc, Dr. Wright) diet plan.

Follow along as I work this plan, as well as focus on my spiritual health and share tips, tricks and information.

Til next time, live great!

How Quickly Time Flies!

Oh my!

I cannot believe it was a year ago yesterday that I created this blog!  You could say my determination didn't last very long since I never found myself on a second post.  Yet, I know this is not the case.  In this last year, much as happened that has brought me to where I am today.

And today, I am ready to share my journey with the world!  :-)

In July 2010, I had the life-changing experience of working with a Naturopath.  The information I learned about foods and natural supplements informs my decisions and my health to this day.  Additionally, I came to realize I had an unnatural relationship to food, and was perhaps addicted to sugar.  That was a long and scary battle for me.  While I don't seem to be under the same sugar spell I was, I would not in any way say I have totally dealt with this issue completely yet.

In October 2010 I started what is known as an "Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP)," run by the Baylor School of Medicine.  This was to help me deal with the emotional fallout of dealing with a chronic illness that had, in my opinion, ruined my life.  This program helped me to find the courage to push myself a little at a time to see just how far I could go before relapsing into a worse condition.

Between the IOP program and a course called "Heartfelt Living" at my spiritual center, Creative Life, I came to understand just how much my own fears and thoughts of inadequacy were affecting my health.  I was floored and also excited because I had some control over my thoughts, so they all say.  ;-)

Also in October, my husband accepted a position as Quality Manger in Broken Arrow, Ok.  The idea of moving was NOT something either of us looked forward to.  At the same time, it appeared to be for the best in many ways.  He moved to Ok while I stayed back to finish IOP, Heartfelt Living and to prepare for the move.  This was the first time in about two and a half years that I did not have my husband to help me with daily tasks such as food preparation, caring for the cats, taking out the garbage.  Could I do it?

I could and I did!

How exciting that I was seeing progress!  For the firs time since I had become ill with Lyme Disease, including four months being nearly bed-bound, I was finally doing the following ON MY OWN again:

• Driving
• Taking out the garbage
• Grocery shopping
• Caring for the cats
• Preparing Food (though I did have some assistance with this thanks to a loving friend!)

How exciting!  I actually began to believe that I may not be doomed to having no quality of life.  Perhaps, just maybe...my life wasn't over.  For the first time since I had become ill, I had HOPE.